"CANADA IS OURS!" read the caption held by one beaver. "We have been used for too long by Canada and we won't stand for it anymore" explained the head patriarch beaver as he worked on his dam.

Beaver Nation alienation has been growing for some time now. Its roots can be found as early as the 1970s when Canada engaged in compassionate social engineering. "For hundreds of years we were an integral part of the Canadian economy. The Coureur de Bois and The Bay became millionaires off our pelts. No more." The Beaver Boat Units are mobilizing and preparing to attack.

Canadian officials remained defiant if not donwright unconcerned. A spokesperson for Defense Canada, Normie-Gordie Burntstrudel "This is Canada. Everybody loves us as we love ourselves. We are a peacecreating, peacekeeping, peacegiving country" When pressed if the Canadian military is prepared in the event of the attack he continued with a confident smile "If we are attacked, which we won't be, we are ready." One reporter asked how exactly are they ready to which Mr. Burntstrudel answered "All of Canada will unite. We've put in a call to the Inuit." When asked if Québec will take part in the defense of Canada all he would comment is "they are distinct and thus have distinct choices to make regarding their well-earned distinct territory."

None of this surprises The Beavers. "Canada always has its head up its ass. We're even forewarning them and they still won't budge. Dumbasses. They will see our anger is real and our wrath swift and lethal." Even the Québec division is ready. "They don't speak any English but we are united in our cause."

Anger on the street is mounting. The average Canadian is outraged of the thought of even putting one loonie into the military in defense of this country. "We need to put it in more important places. Like public health" screamed one person. Another quipped "What does beaver meat taste like? Is their fur, like, still popular in Europe?"